So, I really have been embodying the flow since I returned from my training with Shiva Rea.

The uncertainty of what's next in my life has had me feel a great deal of fear in moments. And yet, I have not allowed that fear to paralyze me from taking action, but rather, I have taken action in the face of my fear of the unknown. And, it is all working out ok. I actually signed a 12 month apartment lease, a couple of weeks ago, feeling I was being guided to move. I was planning on moving next Thursday, but just yesterday, I realized it is not the right time for this move to happen. I did feel guided through my meditation and the visions I received to take the steps to move, but the mystery of the Flow is it can guide us one way through blind faith, only to steer us in another direction unexpectedly...

This is why meditation is so important. We have to take the steps we are being guided to take in the face of all of our fears. And only through the stillness can we know that intimate guidance we are being given through the subtle whispers of the Intelligent Flow. Just this past weekend, Tom and Daphne Larkin, of Sanctuary Yoga in Nashville, TN, came to Dallas to give a two-day workshop at exhale spa. I am house sitting for a fellow-yogini friend of mine, Kendall Inman, and they stayed at her house with me while they were here. It was an incredible experience to be able to spend this time with them. They have been studying with Shiva for the past 8 years, and while Daphne Larkin is my assigned mentor through Shiva's Teacher Training Program, Shiva Rea is their direct mentor. We had many wonderful and enlightening conversations while they were here, one of which was about Isvara-pranidhana, or surrender to the Will. So, to embody the flow is to surrender to the Will and this is Yoga. B.K.S. Iyengar describes the very essence of this in his book Light on Yoga. Here is what he writes on the very first page from the chapter entitled, What is Yoga? Although I've written about this before, it seems we can not be reminded enough. These are the very first sentences:

"The word Yoga is derived from the Sanskrit root yuj meaning to bind, join, attach and yoke, to direct and concentrate one's attention on, to use and apply. It also means union or communion. It is the true union of our will with the will of God." - B.K.S. Iyengar

Since returning from the silent meditation retreat at Yogananda's hermitage and ashram in Encinitas, CA, I have realized a new appreciation for silence. There are times when I am talking and I find the words become tiring and I long for the silence. The truth is, we do not need to travel to an ashram to realize the sanctuary of silence and peace which exists within our Being. Sometimes I imagine the possibility of observing one day of silence, at least once-a-month to begin with. Gandhi practiced one day of silence each week, although there's no need to rush into things, the idea of that feels a bit too intense. Perhaps even seasonally would be a good start, although I hope to be able to return to Yogananda's ashram on a regular basis and observe a few days of silence at a time. The experience of eating meals in silence, with a group of people I had never met before, was profoundly enlightening. There were a couple of times that I was brought to tears because it was such a moving experience. It had me remember that I am truly a child of God, and that I am sitting at His/Her table, eating His/Her food, walking on His/Her planet and that none of this is really mine. I'm really just a guest wherever it is I go during the short while I am here.

Oh ya, how could I forget the Chocolate Bliss? Well, I will have to write more in my next post about this. Stay tuned for that!

As we grow through the season of summer, we are in a time of intense change. As I sat in meditation last night, I began to sob as I felt the emotional intensity of the experiences I am growing through, the healing of a past relationship, my father's illness, changes and transformations in my work, the beginning of a new relationship, not knowing what's next, feeling afraid of loss and the fear of change, even though change is the only constant. It was at my training with Shiva, that Shiva spoke to me about spending time feeling the depths of my experience. As I shared with her about my father, she suggested I go down to the beach and sit with myself for a half hour and just wail. When she suggested this, it was hard for me to imagine I would feel that depth of sorrow within myself. Last night, I realized what she was talking about as I sat alone in my bed crying out loud.

As I share this, I do not share it from a place of sadness, but from a place of encouragement. The only way to know true healing is to know and experience true feeling, from the deepest depths of sadness within ourselves to the greatest heights of joy. The reality is it is all flowing from the same place of umbounded consciousness or Love. The Light of Consciousness is Love, but we must allow that Light to illuminate the depths of our insecurities and darkness to know the fullness of its energetic embrace and presence in our hearts and minds. So, as we grow through this season, allow the Agni (fire) of summer to unsurface the unseen within yourself. And, be receptive to the Grace. Amazing grace...I once was lost but now I'm found...was blind, but now I see.

One more thing, my dear friend and meditation teacher, Roy Williams will be speaking at the Unity Church of Dallas on August 17th at 10 am. He will be speaking on the three pillars of enlightenment, Study, Service and Meditation. I hope you will be able to attend as he is a true teacher who has positively impacted my life with his guidance and wisdom.

Until next time...Om shanti! Read more

Here I am. It has been a long while and the idea of writing this post feels more like writing a book because so much has happened. So many insights, awarenesses, and awakenings...it feels like I journeyed to another place and time. Which, in reality, I did. Sitting here on my air mattress, (yes, I've been sleeping on an air mattress for 5 months now, realizing how little I truly need... although, I'm hoping to have a bed again one day soon...I think I've learned the lesson) I just closed my eyes for a moment, and no words can express the gratitude I feel in my heart for the blessed experience I had during my time in California at Yogananda's Ashram in Encinitas and the Embodying the Flow Yoga training with Shiva Rea in Venice, CA.

My guess is several posts will follow as I share more about these experiences. (I'm looking forward to sharing more with you about the experience of being in silence for three days, eating meals in silence, and, of course, about the raw Chocolate Bliss I've been drinking for a couple of weeks now.) But, for beginners, there is a peace which I am experiencing which I have never before known. It is a feeling of a dissolving away of fear. I went in search of answers and I received blessed responses to the quetions I went seeking. It's as though I can feel a peacefulness swimming through me feeling the Presence of the One who spoke to me in so many ways: through the words of a monk, a Brahmacharya, in the silent communion of meditation, through videos, recordings of Yogananda talking, the inspiring Spirit of Shiva Rea, the friends I met along the way, signs and serendipitous experiences which pointed me in the direction I needed to go every breath of the way, and the deep, guiding intuition of the Intelligence of my own heart.

I left Dallas, for my trip, on July 3rd. My father, (who was recently diagnosed about two months ago with kidney cancer that has metastasized now in the lungs), drove me to te airport. (He was first diagnosed with kidney cancer almost two years ago.) A couple of weeks ago he started taking an experimental, 'life-prolonging' drug, used to treat kidney cancer by cutting off the blood supply to the cancer cells in the body. It was a huge blessing he was even able to receive the drug for free, considering the out-of-pocket expense is roughly $4,000/month with prescription coverage. With his fisrt go-around on the drug, his body was not able to tolerate it. After about a week and a half, he began to lose weight, dropping about 6 pounds in two days and then developig sores in his mouth. The day he drove me to the airport he was noticeably weak, having just stopped taking the drug a day or two before. Even his voice was scratchy. I love my father's voice because it has such a deep-heartfelt resonance, but it didn't have the strength I was used to hearing. As we drove to the airport he asked me what it was I was looking forward to the most about my trip. I said I was looking forward to all of it, but particularly, the meditation, the experience of being in silence and, in that silence, being with All That Is, all that I'm experiencing individually and collectively. As Yogananda would say, there is no individual thought. We are all part of a collective Consciousness, breathing the same Life Force, the same Intelligent Energy flowing through our veins. We are all waves, flowing from the One Source, and each of our thoughts create a ripple effect which affects every other wave in the ocean. I inhale from the ocean of Life, and I either breathe out Love or Fear, it's that simple, through the thoughts I am experiencing.

To say I've felt fear in my life recently is an understatement. And yet, it hasn't been a debilitating fear, but I have experienced it nevertheless. In some way, I think it's always been there beneath the surface. Some fear of feeling like I need to hold on for dear life, a fear of not being provided for and having enough. In Yoga, these fears relate to the first chakra. Awakening the first chakra is about awakenng to the realization that all of our basic needs are met by the Source of Life. We can let go and surrender fully to the Flow when we become Conscious of this, the anxieties, tensions, uncertainties, doubts, unecessary preocupations can all melt away, and in that melting we can feel the Presence of the One who is always there with its Loving Energy guiding each of our beating hearts into its Benevolent embrace. As Yogananda would say, God is nearer than near. Nearer than the breath in your nostrils, right here, right now.

But recently it seems the fear had escalated, both consciously and unconsciously. Perhaps my father being diagnosed with cancer triggered a deep-seated unsurfacing of this fear in myself which then began to expand into my perspective on everything. As we drove to the airport that day, I expressed my concern for the state of the world. You may be familiar with the Mayan calendar which only exists until the year 2012. Many have thought this prophesizes the end times. I have felt some very dark places in myself questioning if this may in fact be true. The rising gas prices, the melting ice caps, war, going through security at the airport, etc., etc., in no particular order, are enough to have any one of us feel the tension of fear from these realities.

And, yet, we are awakening to the Flowering of Consciousness, and in this flowering the dissolution of fear within our hearts and minds.

"So when you are alert and contemplate a flower, crystal, or bird without naming it mentally, it becomes a window for you into the formless.

There is an inner opening, however slight, into the realm of spirit.

This is why these three "en-lightened" life-forms have played such an important part of the evolution of human consciousness since ancient times; why, for example, the jewel in the lotus flower is a central symbol of Buddhism and a white bird, the dove, signifies the Holy Spirit in Christianity.

They have been preparing the ground for a more profound shift in planetary consciousness that is destined to take place in the human species.

This is the spiritual awakening that we are beginning to witness now." - A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle

I just purchased a book with passages from Yogananda called, A World in Transition. The last day at the silent meditation retreat, I attended a service at Self-Realization Fellowship temple in Encinitas. The Brother read from this book. As soon as I receive it, I will post the passage he read to us. It is amazing. Yogananda speaks of the Global awakening of Consciousness and the spreading of Yoga as being the salvation of the collective consciousness. When I say Yoga, I am not just referring to the practice of poses. This is only one form of Yoga. Yoga is a state of consciousness, not anything we do. It is essentially what Jesus spoke about in the scriptures. Do not worry, do not fear, love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor as you love yourself. Yogananda says it is the uniting of the spirituality of the East with the materially prosperous consciousness of the West which will bring about this salvation. It is two worlds becoming one and in that uniting realizing what is we need to do to heal ourselves and our planet. That is the greatest challenge we face, that we have been damaging our very own hOMe, without which none of us will continue to be. Undoubtedly, this mission requires the unification of the global consciousness to work together in a harmonious way to heal our very own environment. And, it's possible. I believe it's already happening. Just like growing into a Yoga pose, we can't always see right away the growth and change that is happening. But, with every breath we breathe, the positive change is taking place, this is what we must trust with blind faith.

Sometimes, more recently, I have feared whether this community is ready for this shift in consciousness. I must say, I have had my doubts, so much in fact, I deeply considered moving to India while I was away at my training with Shiva. It's not that I doubt you, it's more that I have doubted myself to be able to find the strength within myself to make it through these changes I am facing, and all of us are facing in our own way. I have literally feared not being able to provide for myself. It's really hard to admit this, but it is true. I have known for several months now this strengthening needed to happen within myself. I could feel it in my practice, being guided to grow into certain poses, Eka Pada Bakasana (Crow Pose) into Adho Mukha Vrkasana (Handstand), but not being able to find the inspiration or strength to inititate that growth. I am certain this has a lot to do with this experience I am growing through with my father. He has been a source from which I have drawn much of my strength. But, I am realizing this strength has been within me all along, and he is one of the expressions and the reflections of the Source which strengthens each of us in Its own way.

So, I'm not going to India, I'm going with the Flow, wherever the Flow wills me to go. Though the unconscious tensions arise, I am not afraid. I am not afraid to live, I am not afraid to die. I am not afraid. Bring it on. I fell flat on my face at my training, practicing the poses, Eka Pada Bakasana (One-Legged Crow Pose) into Tittibhasana (Insect Pose), which I have been guided to grow into. I laughed my ass off. Then, I laid on my back and relaxed, while everyone else continued on with their self-practice. After a few moments, I got up and went and bought Shiva a card in the gift shop at exhale Venice. When I returned to the room, everyone was in Savasana (Corpse Pose), so I quietly laid down and enjoyed one of the most Divine meditative experiences I have ever known. Fall on your face, laugh your ass off, surrender and forget fear, be like a child walking through the world with carefree, fearless abandon. What are you holding onto? There is no thing that is yours, let your hands be free and your heart open. Viva la Vida! (Thanks Coldplay) Here are a few words from Yogananda from the book, The Divine Romance:

"God's dream creation was not meant to frighten you, but to prod you to realize finally that it has no reality. So why be afraid of anything? Jesus said: "Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?" (John 10:34) Yet even Jesus for a little while forgot his immutable divine nature and cried out, "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) But quickly he realized again that he was a son of God and could never be destroyed, which he proved by his resurrection. His whole life showed he had risen truly from the sepulcher of delusion.

If you know intellectually that life is a dream, but still have not realized it completely, and still haven't found God either, you are neither in this world nor out of it. That is a sad state. Don't remain trapped in that delusion. make a supreme effort to get to God. I am speaking practical truth to you, practical sense; and giving you a philosophy that will take away all of your consciousness of hurt. Be afraid of nothing. If death comes, all right. What is going to happen, will happen. Refuse to be intimidated by this dream. Affirm: "I will not be frightened by ill health, poverty, and accidents. Bless me, O Lord, that when You put me through trials, I realize their delusive nature and become victorious over them by positive action and by remaining inwardly united to You.

I have perhaps told you more than you would ever learn elsewhere in a lifetime. By coming to these services you will know how the cords of delusion can be broken. Study your Self-Realization Lessons at home and practice them faithfully. Each human being has to apply his own individual effort to get back to God. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not speaking the truth. God can help you, guru can help you, but only if you yourself are making the effort to find God. You can't get money by watching someone else work. You have to work for it yourself. And only your working at finding God will take you to God. So make your mightiest effort now. Reserve your nights for meditation. Meditate with undivided attention. Let there be no mockery of mechanical prayer. Give your soul to God. Then you will see that your life-every minute of it-becomes a magic existence." - Paramahansa Yogananda

And, I've got to leave you posting the lyrics from the song Pure Imagination, from Willy-Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. You know, raw chocolate is the food of the gods and the most nutritionally beneficial superfood for you on the planet. I'll be back soon to share more with you about this. It also releases Anandamide, the bliss chemical in the brain. In Sanskrit, the language of Yoga, Ananda means Bliss.

"Come with me and you'll be
In a world of pure imagination
Take a look and you'll see
Into your imagination

We'll begin with a spin
Trav'ling in the world of my creation
What we'll see will defy
Explanation

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world, there's nothing to it

There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to be."

p.s.-I will post a picture from the meditation gardens at Yogananda's ashram once I get them downloaded onto my computer. Namaste!Read more

Well, I leave tomorrow for Yogananda's Ashram in Encinitas, CA for 2.75 days of silence and meditation. Then, up to L.A., from there, for a four day Yoga teacher training with Shiva Rea, called Embodying the Flow.

I'll be back to posting when I return. Honor the cyle of transformation you are in as we expand into the fullness of the Summer Season. What is to give light must endure burning. I can't remember who said that, maybe it was Buddha. I put it in a post a long time ago, but there has been much burning taking place, not coincidentally, since the dawn of Summer. Trust in the Intelligent Unfolding and you will find the eternal joy you are seeking right within your own Self. Fear not, for there really is no thing to fear. Breathe into the changes and allow the positive Force of Life to guide you into alignment with all that is. Accept this moment, and in your faith and acceptance you will be receptive to the Infinite Grace illuminating you to the Light of Consciousness. Non-attachment will liberate you from fear and awaken you to the bliss of your Being. No worries...be happy.

A very special person shared this poem with me today. It's incredible...I hope you like it..

Happiness

There's just no accounting for happiness,
or the way it turns up like a prodigal
who comes back to the dust at your feet
having squandered a fortune far away


And how can you not forgive?
You make a feast in honor of what
was lost, and take for its place the finest
garment, which you saved for an occasion
you could not imagine, and you weep night and day
to know that you were not abandoned,
that happiness saved its most extreme form
for you alone.


No, happiness is the uncle you never
knew about, who flies a single-engine plane
onto the grassy landing strip, hitchhikes
into town, and inquires at every door
until he finds you asleep midafternoon
as you so often are during the unmerciful
hours of your despair.


It comes to the monk in his cell.
It comes to the woman sweeping the street
with a birch broom, to the child
whose mother has passed out from drink.
It comes to the lover, to the dog chewing
a sock, to the pusher, to the basket maker,
and to the clerk stacking cans of carrots
in the night.
It even comes to the boulder
in the perpetual shade of pine barrens,
to rain falling on the open sea,
to the wineglass, weary of holding wine.
-Jane Kenyon

p.s.-Stillness Speaks is a book by Eckhart Tolle. I haven't read it, but it could be a great summer read. Peace...Read more